First time mum - Confidence is Key

Confidence doesn’t arrive with a bold entrance, it builds quietly, as you learn on the job.

Confidence isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about trusting that you can figure it out along the way, that you and your baby are a team! ~ The Mother-baby dyad ~

Here is my advice for expectant and new mums feeling the shift.

Pregnancy is often filled with joy and wonder, whether your path to conception was long-awaited or happened sooner than expected, alongside the excitement, there is often feelings of anxiety, responsibility and concern, as many women focus on creating the best possible environment for their growing baby. As your pregnancy unfolds, you will also find yourself reflecting on your own childhood experiences, considering the qualities you wish to carry forward from those who cared for you and identifying areas where you may choose a different approach. Relationships with family and friends can also shift during this time, as you undergo your own profound transition—from being parented, to being a parent!

I say … “Have confidence in your body and your ability, enjoy the anticipation of what lies ahead. Surround yourself with positive people and choose reputable sites, and books to gather knowledge, or ask your care provider any questions/concerns you may have for this first stage.”

I often meet women in their second trimester who feel unsettled once the symptoms of early pregnancy begin to fade. Without the daily reminders of nausea, fatigue, or breast tenderness, many no longer feel obviously pregnant and find themselves eagerly awaiting those first flutters of movement as reassurance that their baby is growing and thriving. For many, this period of uncertainty is followed by immense relief— hearing their baby’s heartbeat at an antenatal appointment after what can feel like a very long wait between visits.

I say … “Have confidence; you are already a mum with a maternal instinct. You can see and feel your body changing and will soon gain the ability to feel your baby’s movements (for most from 18 weeks). This is very normal at this gestation and depending on where your placenta is located, you may not feel the baby until over halfway. Please don’t compare yourself to other pregnant friends or family members, if ongoing concerns speak to your care provider or lcoal hospital.

As pregnancy progresses, conversations turn to birth preparation and exploring your preferences for labour and birth. For many women, their understanding of birth has largely been shaped by dramatic movie portrayals or stories from friends that focus on when things did not go as expected. It’s common to seek out information through podcasts, books, and television programs such as One Born Every Minute, hoping to gain a clearer picture of what lies ahead. Yet with every story comes a different experience, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming to navigate the many possible pathways through labour and birth. As a result, feelings of uncertainty and anxiety can resurface as women try to make sense of what birth may look like for them.

I say …"Have confidence in your instincts, your hormones, and your ability to birth. What happened to one person does not necessarily happen to you as you have a different shaped pelvis, with a different size baby, in a different position, with different genetics and your own mindset. Yes, the birthing day is a pivotal moment in your life and one you will remember and discuss for years to come, but it is your journey. The majority of healthy mothers can give birth with minimal interventions, provided they have the appropriate amount of support, feel they can cope and their baby is safe. How your baby arrives in your arms may not be how you imagined or may be exactly the moment you dreamed it would be. Explore and plan for the different scenarios, so you will feel informed and able to determine which direction to take along your journey. Have the confidence to ask questions if variations occur and trust that your care providers have you and your baby’s best interests at heart.”

For a variety of personal, medical, or pregnancy-related reasons, you may decide that a vaginal birth is not the right choice for you, or it may be recommended as the safest option based on your individual circumstances. What matters most is that you feel well-informed, supported, and confident in your decision. When you understand the benefits, considerations, and potential risks of your chosen birth pathway, there should be no place for guilt, shame, or judgment. Every family's journey is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to meet your baby—only the way that feels safest and most appropriate for you and your circumstances.

I say… “Be confident and let go of any emotional baggage you may attach to this decision. No two journeys are the same. Birth is only the beginning – you get to be a parent for the rest of your life.”

Your baby begins to show feeding cues, and you look down at your breasts, wondering how breastfeeding works and whether you are doing it correctly. You have determination and a desire to breastfeed, however your anxiety returns for another round as you worry about milk supply, engorgement, pain and knowing whether your baby is getting enough.

I say… “Have confidence in your baby’s primitive instincts to find food- you are a team. Don’t go into breastfeeding with doubt, be realistic that for some women this skill may take 3-4 weeks to master. Seek support from your midwife, lactation consultant or child health nurse if you are finding breastfeeding challenging. Rather than setting a strict routine, follow your baby’s lead- you have birthed an individual, all babies have different temperaments and feed requirements…. Learn your baby’s feeding cues and be content that newborns feed for reasons other than hunger. As a general rule, babies set how much milk you make (supply and demand) so best keep baby on the breast rather than start expressing in the early days (unless advised by a professional to do so).”

The waiting is over and reality of life with a newborn sets in. For some new parents, this transition feels natural and deeply rewarding, bringing a profound sense of joy and fulfilment. For many others, however, the reality of caring for a newborn can feel overwhelming. The responsibility of meeting your baby's constant needs requires patience, emotional resilience, and considerable energy—all while navigating sleep deprivation and uncertainty. As you adjust to your new role, it is common for worries and self-doubt to reappear, even as your confidence gradually grows with experience.

I say … “Be confident, nobody knows how to be a parent until they become one. The first 3-4 weeks is like starting any new job. Everyone is nervous when learning a new set of skills. You will soon become the expert in your baby’s cues, remember baby’s do not manipulate, they communicate, and have a biological need to be held and feed often. The newborn days are over in a blink, take this time to get to know each other, recover from the birth by eating well, using your support network and sleeping whenever possible… the housework can wait, and remember babies survive first-time parents!”